By Brad Gullickson Published October 24, 2022
October is defined in Webster’s Dictionary as “31 days of horror”. Don’t bother looking it up; it’s true. Most people take it as highlighting a horror film every day, but here at FSR we’ve taken that one or nine spooky notches up by celebrating each day with a top ten list. This article on the Deadliest Horror Movie Weapons is part of our ongoing series 31 Day Horror Lists.
Accessories make everything better. The perfect pen helps you write. The right pillow will get you to dreamland faster. A real TV will welcome any bitch at prime time.
Horror movie killers are just like any other geeks for gadgets. what is The Texas Chainsaw Massacre without his chainsaw? What self-worth would Jason Voorhees have without his machete? Can you imagine Jigsaw without his traps? No way!
Scattered across the genre are numerous instruments worth stockpiling. Many of the weapons found on the list below have been made into collectibles, and you can find them at every comic book and horror convention across the country. Some others are less obvious and would be considered pedestrians in the hands of someone less insane. But give someone a basketball at a crucial transitional moment in their life, and that basketball is as deadly a tool as anything found in Chucky’s toy box.
These deadly horror movie weapons have been carefully reviewed and curated by the Boo crew aka Rob Hunter, Anna Swanson, Chris Coffel, Jacob Trussell, Valerie Ettenhofer, Meg Shields and Yours sincerely. If you ever find yourself in their homes, watch your back and stay out of their closets.
10. The Cartilage Cannon (eXistenz, 1999)
“The tooth fairy could go into the gun business,” Jennifer Jason Leigh‘s Allegra Geller as she investigates a strange weapon that’s loaded to the teeth – literally. Holding a set of toothballs, she says with a touch of amusement, “Oh look, this has a cavity.” The Gristle Gun, as the director calls it David Kronenberg, is just a gonzo aspect of its entry into the “killer video game” subgenre, which naturally blends wildly intriguing sci-fi body horror with its patent brand of goopy sexuality that never feels detached from the film’s overall mood. But we’re here for the weapon, which we’ll later assemble from a series of bones and gristle Jew law‘s Ted Pikul removes his own teeth to load into his newly created weapon. It’s a brilliant little cinematic invention that we can’t take our eyes off of, while rightfully disgusted by its overall aesthetic. (Jacob Trussel)
9. The Basketball (Deadly Friend, 1986)
mid eighties Wes Craven couldn’t take a break. After the success of numerous other horror projects, the audience only wanted one thing from the director. He tried to deliver a bittersweet sci-fi love story Deadly Friend, but test audiences dismissed Craven’s early cuts of the film. no blood! no blood! Booooooo! Warner Bros. sent Craven back to work and asked him to inject some of that red stuff. He did so with ridiculous devotion and produced this sequence where a computer was upgraded and malfunctioned Kristy Swanson throws a basketball through Anne Ramsay‘s skull, her brain exploded all over. Two points. She scores. (Brad Gulickson)
8. The Lawn Mower (Dead Alive, 1992)
Lawn mowers have been used in other horror films to slice and dice victims of the chilling killings Creepy to the goofs in Soundbut none has handled it so well Peter Jackson. Mama’s son Lionel is finally fighting back the horde of zombies invading his home, and in the big set piece in Act Three that means starting up his trusty mower and gutting dozens of shambling, bloodthirsty bastards. Limbs are chopped off, faces smashed, and after nearly three minutes of absolute carnage, our hero slides and slides on sloppy guts. This scene put the film in the record books for most fake blood used in a film. Bravo, Mr Jackson, bravo. Now give us the goddamn movie on Blu-ray! (Rob Hunter)
7. The Meat Cannon (Videodrome, 1983)
Fun Fact: As the patron saint of special effects Rick Baker presented first David Kronenberg With his ideas for the flesh weapon encompassing the eyes, mouth, and foreskin, Cronenberg said it was too graphic. Kronenberg. Too graphic. Just think about it for a second. Anyway, what we get at the end is the incredibly low-key weapon that Max Ren (James Woods) pulls out of its own torso slot and fuses with its hand, creating a fleshy, muddy hybrid weapon. It’s as gritty as it is creative, conjuring up ideas about the potential for violence that always existed within but has now taken over. Personally, the fusion scene is also one of the most disturbing and disturbing things I’ve seen in a Cronenberg film. Long live the new flesh, indeed. (Anna Schwanson)
6. The Sentinel Spheres (Phantasm, 1979)
The tall man (Angus Scrimm) can afford wood. His Martian dirty work is done by his Sentinel Spheres, those gleaming zoom spheres that dart through corridors in pursuit of human skulls and the delicious blood they contain. See phantasm at a young age left a lasting psychological scar. The scream of the big man’s balls whizzing around corners still lingers in the back of my mind, in the shadow regions. As is the sound of her little drill penetrating her victim. Watching the film today, the cartoonish geyser of blood squirting out of her butt chuckles. However, your approach still scares me. They are unstoppable inevitable. Anyone who hears their whirring hears very little afterwards. In a bucket you go. (Brad)
This list of best horror movie weapons ends on the next page…
Related Topics: 31 Days of Horror Lists
Brad Gullickson is weekly columnist for Film School Rejects and senior curator for One Perfect Shot. When he’s not chatting away about movies here, he’s rambling on about comics as the co-host of Comic Book Couples Counseling. Follow him on Twitter: @MouthDork. (he him)