There are a few gadgets that get beats by many of us on a regular basis, and if a robot revolution ever bears fruit, it will likely start with one of these. But until that fateful day comes, let’s take a look at some of the tech gadgets we’re all too happy to neglect. Because they don’t have souls – at least not yet.
GPS navigation
There isn’t a person in my life I’m ruder to than the GPS navigation voice, whether it’s google maps or apple maps or whatever the robot lady is trying to help. Think about it: This crappy app uses advanced satellite technology to help me get somewhere quickly and lets me know if there are any delays or car crashes along the way.
But when I finally have an idea of where I’m going, I’ll yell at them to shut up and quickly grab the phone to turn it off, without even saying “thanks” or “I couldn’t have done it without you.” to say. Instead, it sounds “okay, I got it,” as if I knew where I was going all the time and the directions were just suggestions I didn’t ask for.
headphones
No matter how beautiful the headphones are, bulky or small, with or without a case – at some point they end up in a backpack or on the back seat of the car and have to fend for themselves in these jungles. At least my toothbrush gets a small stand and costs a lot less.
I shudder to think of those poor little headphones lying loose in my laptop bag, shaking with fear while surrounded by loose peanuts, nails, paperclips, rubber bands and old, non-working USB drives, angry and roam the outer areas of the backpack like Bladerunner. “I don’t belong here,” the headphones have to think.
video game controller
It’s probably for the best that most video game controllers no longer have wires. We all knew that one friend who jerked the controller back and forth like a maniac, almost sending the console flying out the window. They treated controllers as if they were Wii motion controllers long before that technology even existed.
But we’re all rude to them. We push way too hard, as if the controller can sense pressure and urgency, throwing them down when frustrated, and sometimes glancing at the controller as if something is wrong rather than realizing how badly we’re screwing the game to have. They just put up with our abuse for years, and when one of the buttons inevitably starts to stick due to abuse, we throw them away or get that one friend you don’t like to use them.
USB drives
USB drives nowadays have the ability to store all the data of our computers in a tiny stick and according to movies I’ve seen they always contain important secret documents or viruses that can stop a corrupt company or destroy robot overlords. So why am I more likely to remember where I put a BIC pen?
There’s probably a handful of lost USB drives containing things I mistakenly think are important scattered across the country. We’re so careful with them when we put them in our computer, but the rest of the time they’re bouncing around wherever they are, like a beach ball with data. Perhaps we’d be a little more respectful if those dates could spill out like a casserole in an overflowing bowl of cling film.
Your current bad phone
This is always one of our sadder relationships with technology. Your phone might be a bit old and scratched, and it knows you don’t respect it anymore and want a new one. It sees you walking past the Apple storefront like that hackneyed meme with a guy looking at another woman. It sees you put it down quickly when using it around friends so they don’t stare.
Still, it does its job diligently, sending your texts, updating your apps, and taking absolutely decent photos. In some cases, though, it takes so long that you start to respect his well-worn character, like it’s the old man in a coming-of-age movie gaining the respect of the cool kids. “You still have it, old man,” is the awful dialogue usually.
Keep in mind that there will always be a younger phone, but yours has had several updates and seen things. It knows the ways of the world. Or maybe it’s just an old, bad phone. I do not know. Go ahead and get a new one if you like.
