Members of a popular internet forum were torn after a father-to-be described the argument over dinner that ended with his pregnant wife leaving home.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITeA**hole, Redditor u/Annual-Eye-9459 (aka Original Poster or OP) said he has been available to his wife for months and explained how his Chronic pain and long working days pushed his patience to the limit.
Captioned: “[Am I the a**hole] for telling my pregnant wife to stop acting like a kid?” The post has garnered nearly 10,000 upvotes and 3,000 comments since Oct. 9.
“Me (35m) and my wife (33f) are currently expecting our first child in December,” OP began.
The original poster went on to explain that a “lot” of health issues cause him chronic pain, saying his job is demanding and painful and that he is the only working member of his household.
The original poster also said that despite his ongoing excruciating pain, her expectations of his behavior have skyrocketed since his wife discovered she was pregnant.
“I understand pregnancy is hard, but it’s gotten to the point where sometimes she doesn’t even cook food or clean the house,” the OP wrote. “She has been [whining] and has been complaining ever since she took the test.
“She expected me to cook and clean every night as soon as I got home [and] The straw that broke the camel’s back happened a few days ago,” OP continued. “I had just come home from a 10 hour shift and I had one [flare] high … [so] I told her I had a horrible day and rightly so [DoorDash] some.
“She said she could only eat homemade meals and anything else made her sick… I yelled at her and told her I was having the worst day and she needs to stop complaining and grow up,” OP added. “She started to cry. I immediately apologized… but she left anyway… now the beans have spilled and all the women in our family are mad at me and my wife still doesn’t want to speak to me.”
Despite the excitement that comes with pregnancy and the ultimate desire to welcome a healthy baby, the months leading up to birth can be difficult for everyone.
“No matter how much partners want a child, pregnancy is a relationship-changing experience,” says clinical psychologist and joy out of fear author dr Carla Manly tells news week. “Even when both partners are in excellent health, pregnancy can present significant mental, emotional and physical challenges.”
Additional factors such as chronic pain, mental health issues, and significant work stress compound these challenges and often result in disrupted communication between loving partners.
“At a time when healthy communication is imperative,” Manly added, “connecting discussions are sometimes put on hold.”
When the stress that comes with pregnancy is combined with other pressures stemming from chronic pain or overwhelming work responsibilities, the potential for tension also increases.
And according to Stefanie Barthmare, psychotherapist and author of Sacred Partnerships: Guided Journaling Practices to Build Intimacy and Connectionthat stress brew is sure to create emotional turmoil between expectant parents.
“[There are] so many possible reasons why couples fight more when they’re feeling drained and have increased demands…like they do during pregnancy,” Barthmare said news week. “[A] A shift in priorities and focus can cause partners to be less patient, less generous, and less spontaneous with one another, which is a perfect recipe for increased conflict.
“For a couple with one partner already dealing with chronic or debilitating pain, this shift in priorities can exacerbate an already difficult situation,” Barthmare added.
Throughout the comments section of the viral Reddit post, many Redditors echoed this sentiment, claiming that both the original poster and his wife were partly to blame for their argument and that their circumstances were more difficult than most.
“[Everyone sucks here]” wrote Redditor u/ThinEscape511 in the top comment of the post, which received more than 24,000 upvotes. “I’ve lived with chronic pain and been pregnant. So I can compare.
“It sounds like none of you guys really want to support,” they continued. “It’s more of a competition who has it worse.”
Redditor u/RoseTyler38, whose comment received more than 7,000 upvotes, offered a more hopeful answer.
“You have chronic health issues and she is pregnant,” they wrote. “You must come together and solve the problem as a team, just as you both agreed when you exchanged rings.
“Do the responsible adult thing and use open, honest, direct and respectful communication to find a way to do things in a way that meets everyone’s needs,” they continued.
“Pregnancy is tough. Doing a physical job while in chronic pain is tough,” chimed in Redditor u/Illuminator007, garnering nearly 2,500 upvotes. “And none of that gets easier when you have a newborn in the house.
“You and your wife need to find a way to communicate better or things will go downhill fast,” they added.
news week contacted u/Annual-Eye-9459 for comment. We have not been able to verify the details of the case.
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