What “succession” is about, as it is told on the internet

In the last month or so, almost everyone I know has been just Succession this, Succession that. I know I have a problem not keeping up with the most popular shows (I tried Barry but fell off the plan), but Succession was unique in that it brought a lot of different people together. My parents, yes I expected them to love it. And my colleagues, yes, of course. But I have some very politically active friends who have very strong opinions about rich people, and even they loved Succession.

will i watch it Yes, probably eventually, but for now I’m enjoying a vicarious experience that keeps things a little mysterious. Here’s what I (think) I know.

There’s a family of idiots, the biggest idiot being the father, Logan Roy. Logan has had many different wives and is similar to Mr. Krabs in the sense that all he cares about is money. Someone told me this show was like Game of Thrones without the dragons, and you know what? This works out. Logan sounds like a cross between Tywin Lannister and Robert Baratheon and I’m sure that won’t upset anyone at all and I won’t get a single comment on it.

Classic daddy themes are coming. There are three children in the Roy family: the eldest brother, Kendall, who has never done anything wrong in life and is a sex god; sister Shiv, who hates women and is a girl boss at the same time; And finally there is the youngest son, Roman, who is 100% Babycakes.

In the middle is Tom. Now my family spoiled the ending for me because I got a very specific message about how the ending made them feel depressed and I wanted to know how on earth such a silly TV show could make them sad. From what you told me… yes, I see. That would make me sad too.

BUT Tom himself? He’s the wettest man ever. He weighs ten pounds soaking wet. He’s a worm in a cheap suit. According to Alyssa Shotwell of The Mary Sue, he’s a “rat bastard” with a strong fondness for boots—to lick them and to wear them. Besides Tom, there are many other white people trying to get a foot in the door; The names “Gerri” and “Greg” came to mind, but to be honest I think they’re the same person.

When this show first aired, I rolled my eyes at the premise. Boohoo, CEOs, whatever. But over the years, especially recently, it’s garnered more and more attention in social circles I never thought I’d ever need to hear about. This also extends to social media. While I try to tailor my feed appropriately to my own interests in news and culture, posts about Succession continue to flow in.

What the hell does that even mean:

Or how… does he actually say it?

How… really? Well and really? No, that’s a meme… isn’t it?

And then there’s this thing about this guy whose name I don’t even know and who I only saw yelling at Tom, and yet it’s comforting to know there are others out there who are just as clueless as I:

Honest? More than any innate desire to watch this show, I’m saddened that I can no longer piece these memes together because it was a gas attempt to figure out what makes this show so compelling due to my limited ability for people to understand it.

Are these businessmen really that cute? Is Kendall the sex symbol people portray him as on Tumblr? Is Shiv Milquetoast Actually Very Cool Or A Secret Third Thing? Is Tom really just the biggest angry slut addicted to licking boots ever? Because if so, then this is all incredibly funny and I love hearing about it.

But I guess now that the show is over I just have to see it for myself. Sigh. Another one on the list.

(Selected image: Max)

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